Tips on Parenting

In generations past, choosing a baby bed was a simple affair. Most people simply made do with whatever was available. That might be one from a previous child, a generous gift from a neighbor or even a hastily improvised affair from a dresser drawer.

Fortunately, today, the choices are as diverse as the babies themselves. But that introduces another challenge – selecting a good crib from all the options. That’s not a bad problem to have!

Since 1974 all cribs and mattresses have been required to conform to certain safety codes. But some pre-1974 models could still be around, donated by a charitable neighbor or family member looking to save you money. Examine them carefully to ensure they meet certain criteria covered by the regulations.

Among those safety rules are the need for crib slats no wider than 2 3/8 inches to prevent babies from getting a head caught between the bars. They should also be sturdy enough that older babies can’t bend or break them. Some have a top rail that is covered in safe material usually a type of strong plastic that won’t come off in chunks, since babies may stand up and chew on it.

The crib overall should be equally sturdy and the mattress support particularly so. One way to check is to examine the rails underneath the mattress. One along the center is good, two is better. The cross-members should be strong and spaced no more than a foot apart.

The crib mattress itself will usually be either an inner spring design or foam of some type.

Inner spring mattresses are great for adults, but they have pros and cons for babies. They provide good support, but babies are so much smaller that the factors aren’t quite the same, even when the coils are spaced closer together. They also tend to bend away from the crib perimeter, creating a gap that can trap a foot or hand.

Foam mattresses are either ordinary foam latex or the newer heat-sensitive, memory foam type, such as Tempur-Pedic styles. Either works well, but the memory foam crib mattresses will be a little more expensive. That extra cost may well be worth it, since memory foam creates a slow-adjusting and secure mattress.

Regular foam latex makes bouncing easier, making it a little more likely that the baby will bounce a chin or chest onto the top rail. One way to prevent that is simply to get a crib with rails tall enough to make it nearly impossible for the baby to jump high enough to injure itself.

Convenience is an important factor for parents looking for a good baby crib, too. Crib railing often has a mechanism to release the front panel, either by a foot-pedal or a hand lever, or sometimes both. Some require both operations simultaneously to lower the odds of accidents.

Last, but far from unimportant for the majority of parents, the crib should be attractive and fit in with the overall room decor. The baby may not care, but it’s perfectly reasonable for parents and visitors to do so!

All parents wish they could shelter their child from grief. No one wants their child, with limited experience and understanding, to have to suffer through the loss of a beloved dog or the death of a treasured parent or grandparent.

But real life does include the possibility of such things and children grow up healthiest when they’re taught to face reality. How they confront facts can be influenced, positively or negatively, by what they observe from their parents, along with their parents words.

Feelings of sadness at the loss of an important value is a natural, even healthy, reaction. Degrees and style will both vary, of course. But the extremes of stoical ’stiff upper lip’ or severe, long-term depression may signal an unhealthy message to children.

Reactions to loss from children will naturally vary with age. Very young children are rarely able to grasp the permanence or even the disvalue of the loss. Children from around 5-10 will look carefully to parents as a mirror for their own feelings. Older children may even rebel against painful feelings and claim not to feel sadness.

In every case, it’s helpful for parents to allow children to honestly acknowledge any feelings they have. They should not be made to feel guilty for spontaneous feelings.

Along with age differences, variations in inborn temperament and (externally influenced or self-)developed personality among individuals will produce a range of reactions. Any initial feelings are legitimate and generally healthy.

A healthy personality gradually passes through those feelings. Life brings new values, along with the recognition that even when one irreplaceable value is lost, not all values are thereby lost.

Individuals will vary in how long they take to undergo the process. Some lingering feelings may last months or years. But there is a large difference between sober reflection and depression. Helping children to see value in the former and to avoid the latter will require inculcating realism.

The risk of great loss is inherent in living. Parents, too, will differ in how they react when that risk becomes fact. When they demonstrate an attitude that displays to the child an honest evaluation of the loss, they do their child a service. When they help the child to experience those feelings without guilt or repression they are benefiting their child.

But parents can inadvertently disrupt or retard the return to a normal, self-confident approach to daily living by embracing the false alternatives of too lightly dismissing the loss and excessive emphasis on it.

Dismissing the loss, which the child may see as significant, can lead to repression. The child disowns feelings he or she naturally has. Alternatively, he or she may learn to attach little or no value to any life, even those close to them. The attendant negative consequences are obvious.

Alternatively, when the parent fails to move through the feelings, the child may feel guilty at their naturally-paced recovery. Or, they may feel inclined to be ’stuck’ as the parent is. Neither is helpful to parent or child.

It is during such periods of sadness and grief that it is hardest to retain the outlook that life still offers the possibility of significant values. But it is also the time when that realization is most needed, for the parent’s sake and that of the child.

Grandparents today would never have thought a day would arrive when bathing the baby was fun. But modern technology has transformed what used to be a chore into a joy.

Newborns don’t require, and generally should not have, anything more than a sponge bath. But after the first few months, especially when the child can sit up and hold its head erect, baths are great. Baby gear manufacturers have responded by offering a hundred different items that make it not just easy, but actually a lot of fun for both parent and child.

Bath tubs themselves have evolved to a high art thanks to high science. Some are form-fitted and tilted to provide an easy and relaxing experience while ensuring safety. They can’t be tipped over, provide drains to prevent water from filling them up and are made to be practically indestructible. They’re sturdy enough for an adult to stand on them.

Tub baths are popular. These are like large plastic buckets with seats that allow the baby to sit up during the bath without tipping over. They’re the ultimate in safety and convenience. Inserts that make the bath just the right size are another modern innovation. Seats that sit in the tub come in every possible size and shape.

Bath screens or gates are another option that provide convenience and security. They fit into the tub, dividing it into a section for keeping the baby away from the tub spout. No more worrying about the little one hitting or changing the controls.

Naturally, the number of items you have to use during the bath is ten times what you would expect. But there are never enough places to put them in a standard adult bath tub. Put them on the edge and you’ll knock them over. Place them on the floor and they will invariably get spilled or knocked away.

Technology to the rescue!

Soap and shampoo holders are only the beginning. Need a place to put that sponge or washcloth? It’s right there. How about a small shelf or holder to cup the baby oil, skin treatments, Q-tips, cotton balls, fingernail clippers and the five dozen other things you use regularly.

But you know bath time is also play time. Even infants splash and explore. They’re learning to use their muscles and their minds. Everything is a new experience full of wonder. What better way to couple hygiene with fun and development than a whole range of bath toys?

Sure, you could stop at the traditional rubber ducky. But there’s so much more that can amuse and delight the baby in a bath. That’s more than just keeping them entertained, too. It keeps them occupied so you can do what you have to, while bath time becomes something they want to do. Laughter rather than crying. Doesn’t that sound good?

The available options today are endless. There are bath seats with integrated plastic horns. You could stock the bath with safe rubberized blocks to learn about shapes and textures. A purple dinosaur bath mitt is useful for you and fun for them. Toy boats, puzzles or even waterproof books are all great ways to make it a fun and educational time.

Now the baby’s bath can be a great time for bonding, learning and enjoyment, as well as hygiene.

Choosing a good pediatrician is understandably a source of concern for many parents. They know their newborn will need one from time to time. And, when the baby needs a doctor, rapid quality care becomes a high priority. Fortunately, there are simple guidelines that will help you find just the right one.

No one size fits all. Even among highly competent physicians there is a considerable variety in personality. Choosing one that suits you is important for a number of reasons. You’ll have questions and some doctors will make you feel rushed, others are more patient. You’ll have to call them at odd hours. Do they provide care willingly or reluctantly? Will they get back to you right away, or hours later?

After you’ve narrowed the field of candidates, you’ll want to cover some basics in a face-to-face interview. Basic screening could be done via phone or email, but you’ll want to meet at least the three final ones on your list. Although, some do get lucky and find just the right one the first time out!

Naturally, you’ll examine their degrees and certificates. Not all medical schools and/or residency programs are created equal. It makes a difference whether a doctor trained at the Mayo Clinic or did field work in Africa. Both have their strengths. Are they board certified in pediatrics? Any qualified pediatrician, as opposed to just a family physician or general practitioner, will be. Are they a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics? This is standard, but not universal.

You’ll want to know with what hospital they are associated. If the choice comes down to a close call between two, this could be a deciding factor. Hospitals have differing policies on insurance and their own ‘feel’. Some are simply closer to home than others. All these things can help you decide. Will the person you choose see your newborn while he or she is still at the hospital after delivery? That tells you something about the level of care and interest in individual patients.

You’re not limited to one pediatrician, and in fact you may be referred at times to a specialist. But your primary care physician will (and should) usually be one person who sees your baby consistently. He or she will become familiar with your baby. That experience counts for something.

In a group practice, who covers for the primary physician in his or her absence? Try to meet that person. When they do refer you to a specialist whom would it be? Try to interview that person as well. The same goes for support staff. Is there an RN in the office who specializes in pediatrics?

Finally, you’ll want to sound out the candidate on such issues as immunization. Are they in favor of vaccinations, or opposed to them? What schedule do they follow? What approach do they take to issues of diet and nutrition?

Your obstetrician is a good source for a recommendation, of course, as are friends and family. Some do double-duty, of course. Your local hospital is another good source for references. If you’ve exhausted those obvious choices, you can try a few good websites that may list pediatricians in your area.

• American Academy of Pediatrics
• American Board of Pediatrics

You’ll find information about the pediatrician’s training, specializations, accepted insurance plans and more.

Some of the essential supplies your newborn will need are obvious, others take a bit of thought. But let’s be thorough, anyway.

Diapers. Who doesn’t think of those? But first-time parents sometimes woefully underestimate the number needed. If you go with disposable, be prepared for a big expense. If you go with re-usable diapers, be prepared for a lot of washing. Until someone invents a really keen device, there’s no perfect solution.

Changing brings up lots of other items that will be needed. Keeping your newborn clean is essential. That means lots of very soft cloths that absorb water well. A few smaller ones, including cotton balls, to swab on alcohol, oil or lotion from time to time can be lifesavers.

That leads us to medical supplies. Babies often get small, temporary conditions that will go away on their own like heat rash. But easing their discomfort is something every parent will want to do.

A little doctor-approved itch cream can be handy. Don’t forget the petroleum jelly, so useful in small sections for easing rough or dry spots. During the first few days of newborn life the umbilical is the route most often used by germs to cause infection. A little antibacterial ointment is a must. Gauze, a few bandage strips in various sizes and a little low-stick adhesive tape are good first-aid kit items, too.

For that occasional mucous plug, have on hand a working nasal aspirator. These little ‘turkey baster’-style devices are great. Sometimes that congestion signals a cold, though. Have a working digital thermometer in the cabinet.

Even everyday living will bring the need for a number of other essential newborn supplies.

Beyond diapers, many other items of clothing are critical for helping the newborn regulate temperature. Their hormone systems are still ‘learning’ to adapt to the outside world, so they chill or get too hot easily. A range of lightweight to heavier items can solve the problem with ease.

Soft t-shirts with large head openings and armholes are a must. Babies spit up, soil themselves and invariably get leaned up against things that make them dirty. You’ll be changing them often.

Have a variety of warmer items on hand, too. A cloth head covering is great. Like anyone, babies lose a lot of heat through their scalps. A little bonnet or hat can also keep harsh sunlight off the head and face. A baby’s skin is very sensitive to UV. Very brief periods of gentle sunshine is healthy. Harsh rays for extended periods are a sure bet to cause problems.

One of those potential problems is heat rash. Get a set of ‘onesies’, little one piece suits that have a flap to allow for easy diaper changing. Keep them loose, but get ones that have gathered wrist and ankle sleeves. Problem solved.

Those can also help solve the problem at the opposite end of the temperature scale. Cool breezes, or just low temperatures in general, can give the newborn a chill. Having adjustable clothing keeps them warm, but not too warm.

Don’t forget the booties!

Knowing when to require a child to obey and when to let them take the consequences of an independent choice is always a tough dilemma for parents. One pair of ideas that can help them are the twins: natural consequences and logical consequences.

Natural consequences are the reality-determined effect of some choice a child has made. Burning a hand on a hot stove is the most obvious and extreme example. No intervention on the parent’s part is needed to show the child the connection between its ill-chosen action and the bad result.

Feeling the effect of failing to stick to a commitment is a better, and typically safer, scenario. A child promises to save money in order to buy a bicycle. But he or she yields to temptation and spends the money instead on worthless junk that quickly breaks, then still expects to receive the bicycle.

In these cases, the parent need do nothing but simply allow the child to see the cause-effect relationship between choice and consequence. One of the advantages of this method is it works both ways. When the child makes a good choice he or she benefits, and in two ways. They have enacted something that results in a value to them, and they achieved that value independently. Those two reinforce one another in a positive feedback loop.

But, most parents (rightly so) won’t allow a young child to rush out into traffic to see for themselves the result of failing to look both ways. There are times when it’s necessary to employ logical consequences instead.

Logical consequences require the active participation of a parent in producing the outcome. But the parent makes clear that the parent’s choice is logically related to the choice made by the child.

Failing to return a video on time results in a late fee. Subtracting that fee from the weekly allowance is a logically related consequence, directly connected to the child’s failure to keep a commitment.

Sometimes more serious circumstances exist, where the consequences may be severe. A sixteen-year old girl who has unprotected sex with her seventeen-year old boyfriend risks becoming pregnant, a possible natural consequence. But a logical consequence can be employed to teach a lesson without enduring that degree of risk.

Those logical consequences can be as creatively diverse as the parents who are faced with the situation. They may involve severing the relationship between the pair – which rarely works. They may involve requiring more extensive supervision, restriction of the freedom to go to the mall or a dozen other alternatives. No ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution is possible, since teenagers are all individuals. But employing a logically related consequence is typically much more effective than mere punishment.

There are times when it’s safe to allow a child or teen to experience the natural result of their actions. In other cases, the consequences are too severe or long-lasting. Knowing when to employ which method will always be a difficult choice for parents. Let experience be your guide.