Tips on Parenting

Have you heard terms like Facebook, MySpace, YouTube and Twitter? If you haven’t, I guarantee your kids have. These are just a few of the social networking sites where kids can meet other peers and create their own page to highlight who they are. Before letting your kids interact on these or any other teen sites, fill them in on a few precautions in order to help them stay safe.

No one wants to rob their child of the joy of being a child. But, the world is a dangerous place. Even though your children are not yet adults, they need to be aware of what is going on around them. Child predators are counting on their innocence as a way to trap them. You don’t have to scare your kids, but keep them informed as a safety measure.

1. Don’t give out any personal information to anyone. It’s exciting to meet new people online, but it could be that your child’s new “friend” is a sexual predator. They will coax information out of your child over time. With a name and address or even a name and a high school, a predator can locate and stalk a child.
2. Don’t agree to meet with any online friends without parents present. Luring is the term used for online predators who use social sites to meet and talk kids into leaving their homes. It is harder to catch them if a child one day walks out to meet them instead of the predator showing up on your doorstep. When a friend wants to meet with your child, use your best judgment and always go along should you decide to let them meet someone they’ve met online.
3. Avoid sexual conversations. A sexual predator won’t come right out and ask your child sexually explicit questions. They start by gaining their trust and then easing into such conversations. The rule of thumb should be not to discuss sex at all or what your child looks like.
4. Always be honest. Pretending to be someone they are not can get your child into trouble. Acting older will attract the wrong type of person and situations. Talking bad about someone could backfire on them as well. Teach your children to remain respectful and honest at all times.
5. Never give out passwords. A friend could use your password and log in pretending to be you in a chat room. It might seem like a harmless prank but could lead to major problems for your child. Someone who is mad at your child could use their profile and say or do bad things.

You want to protect your child’s right to be a child. To that end, teach them to be safe in online situations so they don’t become a victim.

Sometimes being a parent is like being in middle management. You have not only a whole host of issues to deal with in relation to the kids, but grandparents can introduce another set. Grandparents in the parenting mix present all the issues of influence from others, but with the obvious added wrinkle that they have a special relationship to both the parents and the children.

So, how does a parent maximize all the good things grandparents bring, while minimizing some of the potential difficulties?

Grandparents can offer enormous value by sharing the wisdom of long experience. After all, they have raised children before and most parents will want to believe they did a good job. For such advice to be valuable, however, it has to be delivered at the right time and in the right way.

Grandparents who need some reminding can be diplomatically asked to hold off on offering wisdom until the parent is in a more receptive frame of mind. Unprompted comments during child disciplining almost invariably sound like a rebuke. It will usually, understandably, be met with a defensive reaction.

For the parents’ part, their long-term self-interest will be served by exercising some objectivity. After the strong emotions fade, give some thought to whether the grandparents advice has merit. It usually does. Place a lower emphasis on how or when it was delivered.

Grandparents want what’s best for the grandchildren and their own, naturally. That hope can be realized by their exercising some objectivity, as well. Realizing that the parents bear the primary responsibility for establishing rules and inculcating values for their children will help avoid conflicts.

Parents can help by picking their battles. Grandparents are individuals and will have different views on many subjects. As they express those views in action, their choices can collide with what the parent wants.

But not every minor disagreement is grounds for a major battle, or any at all. Rules about bedtime and diet should be respected, since these have a real effect on health. But there are many areas where the grandparents, rightly, want to enjoy giving the children a little more — materially and in freedom — than the parents might feel comfortable with.

A healthy compromise can be reached when all parties exercise a little creativity. A $500 chemistry set as a birthday gift might worry some parents. Substituting trips to the aquarium and zoo might be one way to ‘split the difference’.

Conflict negotiators often suggest that parties at loggerheads seek common ground. Fortunately, when it comes to raising children, both parents and grandparents have much fertile earth to share. Both almost always have the interests of the child first and foremost in mind.

Settling disputes is easier when both parties seek to ‘make their case’ by patient reasoning based on a foundation of fact. Combining that attitude of objectivity with respect for individual values is a winning package.

After birth, the newborn’s umbilical cord may change color. It can alter from green to brown to black. Not to worry! This is all part of the natural process as the cord dries out in preparation for falling off. This typically takes about 1-2 weeks.

During those days the only care needed is to keep the area clean and avoid bumping the cord.

The section around the navel is comprised of sensitive skin. Just press on your own navel even as an adult and you’ll see. It takes only modest pressure to feel discomfort. Babies are, naturally, a little more tender. No need to be paranoid, just cautious.

Keeping the cord area clean will help prevent infection. The skin is the body’s first line of defense against disease. It provides a physical barrier against bacteria, viruses, fungi and other organisms that are seen as ‘foreign invaders’ that provoke the immune system into a response.

But a baby’s immune system is still under considerable development for the first year. It doesn’t yet have all the normal complement of antibodies to counteract common germs. So, keeping the area flexible and free of dirt will help prevent those germs from getting inside.

It’s rarely necessary to swab the area with alcohol. In fact, a contemporary study suggests that this is mildly counterproductive. While not actively harmful, the cord will likely drop off a couple of days sooner if left alone.

But, babies are babies and the area can attract dirt, food and a host of other things. Again, not to worry! A little gentle wipe with a soft, wet cloth will do the trick. Sterile water is often all that’s required.

When a little more thorough cleansing power is needed, mild and well-diluted antibacterial soap with a soft cotton cloth can do a perfect job. Avoid ordinary washcloths if they become stiff and a little harsh after they’re no longer brand new.

If moisture gets trapped where it won’t dry out within a few minutes, the lowest setting of the hair dryer can help. Make sure the air doesn’t get hot though. A baby’s skin is very sensitive.

Avoid covering the stump with the diaper. Also, keep it folded down far enough so that the top ridge doesn’t push or bend the cord as the baby is moved around or picked up. Be sure to change soiled diapers right away to keep the area dry and free from possible infectious agents.

A sponge bath is best during this period. In theory it’s possible to use a tub filled below the navel. But babies will get tilted, slip and other movements will likely occur that splash the area with soapy water. A little drip from a sponge bath isn’t a disaster, but keeping water to a minimum is best.

Never succumb to the temptation to give the stump any assistance in falling off. It will do so naturally at the right time all on its own. Tugging can tear the skin and produce pain and possible infection.

What’s old is new again. For thousands of years, mothers have carried their babies in slings on the back or near the heart. Though out of fashion in many Western countries for a while, they’ve come back into style with a vengeance. But this ancient idea has been adapted to modern times where it’s sometimes known as ‘babywearing’, with greatly enhanced benefits.

Slings are made of cloth or fabric, often nylon or some kind of blend. They’re flexible, comfortable for parent and baby, and provide a secure carrying method. They also provide a way of transferring body heat to keep the baby warm while offering physical closeness that is a value to both parent and child.

The styles available cover an astounding range.

Some are wraps that are modeled after ancient Asian methods. They coil around the parent’s back and waist, then wrap around to form a sling in which the baby can lie or sit securely. Others resemble a backpack with some of the pieces removed. The straps flow over the shoulders and a thick belt wraps around the waist.

Either model allows a baby to be carried in front or back, and both positions have their advantages. In front, the baby is close to the heart where it can see or touch the parent’s face. That creates a valuable bond that comforts the baby and will please any parent. Worn in back, the weight is distributed along different muscle groups, making it easier for a parent to carry the child for longer periods.

In either case, babies can be faced toward the parent or away, both of which also have their benefits. Facing the parent, the child is close and can see and feel they are protected. Facing outward, they can more readily explore the world, which develops perception and mental faculties, and also helps keep the baby occupied and satisfied.

Backpack-style carriers offer many of the same benefits, with variations. A backpack style is a little sturdier and offers additional places to attach harnesses and pockets. It provides a little stiffer frame so that babies can sit up more easily.

Backpack styles make it easier to shift the weight upward to the shoulders, where the baby can be ‘worn’ for long periods or distances. That’s especially helpful when taking nature walks or for long outings at the mall.

All the different styles come in every possible color and design. Some offer forest scenes, others may be covered with drawings of cars. Still others may sport only an abstract color scheme. In short, every possible variation is available to suit every individual taste or interest.

Traditional hard shell carriers, often a converted car seat or stroller bed, still perform a valuable role. But slings or backpacks offer advantages that those designs can not. Every parent will want to have at least one of each type.

In parenting circles, the word ‘punishment’ often brings to mind ‘corporeal punishment’ – spanking, slapping or other forms of physical action. One can agree that such behavior is counter-productive in rearing a healthy child, while at the same time avoiding the false alternative of excessive permissiveness.

In life, both children and adults are ‘punished’ for bad behavior or failing to obtain a certain standard. Poor performance on a test leads to the punishment of a low score. Poor performance at work leads to lower raises, delayed promotions and other results.

Punishment, in the proper sense, is simply one side of the coin of justice. Justice or fairness, entails giving of the deserved, whether good or unpleasant. Children, like adults, have a healthy self-interest in seeing that justice is enacted.

As a result, it can be a net positive benefit to children to see that their actions have consequences – even if, temporarily, those consequences are painful. Both nature and social arrangements require that certain actions be taken to achieve values. When those actions are destructive of positive values, or fail to achieve them, the logical consequences are undesirable.

As part of the learning and maturation process, not shielding children from the logical effects of their behavior results in absorbing those lessons in relatively mild form. Children too, need to learn to relate cause and effect, both in natural actions and in social circumstances. They need to connect choices to values and fairness.

There are several aspects of this approach that are essential to achieving positive results. First and foremost among them is being objective, followed closely by a sense of proportion.

Objectivity does not mean value or emotional neutrality. It simply means attending to the facts and evaluating them reasonably. As every parent knows, this is easier said than done.

But, just as courts of law have to make an effort to sort fact from fiction, so finding out what actually occurred – and responding appropriately – requires careful thought, maturity and a commitment to being fair.

Mother and her 10 year-old child have just had an argument. A moment later, the child enters the kitchen and pours him or herself a glass of milk. From the other room, Mom hears the crashing of glass on the floor. Mom enters to find milk spilled on the floor, a sugar bowl upturned and a child stomping its feet.

Was the child negligent? Was the child hasty because of its anger? Once the milk had spilled, was the sugar bowl dumped over in frustration or was that part of what was a multi-part accident?

Already upset over the just-past argument, it will be a real challenge for the mother to attain objectivity – to get the facts and draw the correct conclusion, then take the appropriate action.

Here there are several alternatives. Mom can react in rage, order the child out of the kitchen or angrily toss down a wet towel and demand the child clean up the mess. Or, she can take a deep breath, sweep up the glass and begin to ask questions.

When she takes the latter approach, she quickly finds that in pouring the milk, the child brushed a hand up against the hot coffee pot. They clean up the mess together and Mom pours the child another glass of milk while they talk.

Even in clear circumstances where a definite bad behavior has been willfully engaged in, it’s possible to err if a sense of proportion is ignored.

Repeatedly dismissing or ignoring bad behavior teaches many incorrect lessons and encourages the development of adults without a sense of right and wrong. But not every wrong action is serious. Like most things, there are degrees.

Remaining objective and fair will help parents arrive at responses that are proportional to the actual harm done. In the middle of an angry exchange, this is especially difficult to do. Parents will benefit themselves and the child by deferring ‘sentencing’ until they have regained self-control.

This benefits the child in two ways. In the first instance, they receive a punishment that is appropriate to the action they initiated. Even though unpleasant, they observe that fairness is at work. At the same time, they see that mature self-control is possible and that outcomes are more beneficial to both parties when reason isn’t swamped by emotion.

Breastfeeding is the preferred method of providing newborns with all the nutrients and immune system aids they require. But for many people – whether mother, infant or both – that simply isn’t an option. Not to worry though, baby formula has signifigantly advanced, thanks to excellent science.

New parents sometimes read about potential difficulties associated with feeding infants cow’s milk, and so shy away from formula based on it. But all commercial formulas are safe and nutritious.

Cow’s milk isn’t a preferred food for babies under 12 months. That much is true. But that’s chiefly because it doesn’t have the same percentage and type of proteins, fats, carbohydrates and other compounds that is contained in natural human breast milk. And, indeed, a small percentage of newborns are lactose intolerant.

But baby formula based on cow’s milk isn’t just your regular dairy product in a different bottle with a higher price sticker. The formula is carefully prepared. The cow’s milk fats and proteins are altered to emulate human breast milk to a very high degree.

But, for those few who truly have difficulty digesting cow’s milk-based infant formula, there are good alternatives.

Soy-based formula is a healthy choice. They’re useful primarily for those babies who lack the enzyme to correctly break down lactose, the natural sugar in cow’s milk. Here again, it’s important to get soy formula, not soy milk. The latter is not appropriate for newborns.

A specialized formula called protein hydrolysate is another alternative for those who have some types of milk allergy. The proteins in the formula are already broken down to products that would result from natural digestion. For those rare but unfortunate few babies who are born with a family history of milk allergies, it can be a lifesaver.

Beyond the general category of ingredients, there are many types of infant formula. They differ primarily in cost and convenience.

Powdered formula is the least expensive. It’s designed to be mixed with water. It’s possible and usually safe to mix with tap water. But many parents will want to use bottled water to ensure purity, which largely eliminates the price advantage.

Concentrated liquid formula is also intended to be mixed with water. It has the advantage of being a little easier to prepare, but (like powdered formula) requires careful measurement. The right ratio of formula to water is important for optimal nutrition and ease of digestion.

Ready-to-use formula, by contrast, is already pre-mixed to the exact concentration and form for instant use. Like the others it can be fed warm or cool, whichever the baby prefers. Not surprisingly, it is also the most expensive.

Some formula labeled ‘enhanced’ contain DHA (docosahexaenoic acid) and ARA (arachidonic acid), which are omega-3 fatty acids found in natural human breast milk. They’re safe, but research is mixed on how much extra benefit they add.

All formulas are safe and nutritious, but all carry the same requirements. They should be prepared with clean, preferably sterile, utensils. Hands that contact anything that would make its way into the baby’s mouth should also be thoroughly cleaned before feeding.

Prepare formula to the exact concentration recommended and feed only what the baby wants. Don’t force the infant to take more than it is willing to consume after waiting a few minutes to relax caregiver and child. If it hasn’t consumed the ‘right’ amount or at the time desired, simply wait and try again later. Babies regulate according to their own internal clock, not the one on the wall.