Tips on Parenting

Most child development professionals, following a study by Thomas and Chess in the 1950s, hold that temperament is inborn. Personality, by contrast, is influenced by environment and self-development.

The characteristics of temperament – nine categories, including Activity Level, Sensitivity, Adaptability, and others – are sometimes regarded by parents as a source of frustration, since they are inborn and therefore not subject to much change.
 
But the fact that inborn traits are stable can work to the parents’ advantage. Individual humans are so complex and varied that it can be difficult to develop effective strategies for healthy child development. The existence of inborn traits, however, can help parents by providing an identifiable pattern on which to base their guidance.

The first important element in any parenting strategy is objectivity. That’s a difficult status to achieve given the enormous importance and value of the child, but much frustration can be avoided by making the attempt. But objectivity does not mean emotional or value neutrality. It simply means honestly assessing the facts. Evaluation of those facts, and deciding what actions to take is a later step.

Temperament is one area where objectivity is easier to achieve, since a variety of tests exist to help measure its dimensions. Such tests are typically a mix of questionnaire, interview and observation of both parent and child. Even an Internet questionnaire can represent a good first start.

Knowing whether your child is inherently more active, more easily distracted, exhibits a higher intensity of emotional expression, and so forth is a good first step to understanding his or her nature. Parents would do well to test and analyze their own temperaments, as well. Some temperaments mix better than others.

Beyond the inborn characteristics of temperament lies the vast realm of personality.

Personality is even more complex than temperament, and ideas about it correspondingly more controversial. Theories abound about what shapes it and to what degree – environment, heredity, self-development. Added to the mix are the many cultural factors around the world that differ with regard to parenting approach. Values, both individual and social, make an objective assessment much more difficult.

Even so, non-professionals can readily recognize different personality types. Parents rapidly gain valuable experience in assessing and dealing with the personality of his or her own child, especially when the child is not the first.

That experience should not be too lightly dismissed, even in the face of a bewildering array of professional tests, theories and advice. Good science requires taking seriously experimental data, whatever theory the parent may be exposed to or inclined to favor.

Many parents are surprised to find that one child is so different from the other. They often wonder how this could be and what could be attributed to their own parenting. Parents rest easier when they know that some inborn features are just that, and can easily differ from one child to the next.

Knowing the actual nature of your child is the first step toward developing a sound parenting strategy. The results are less frustrated parents and healthier children.

Any parent knows without being told that babies have a lot of energy. They may sleep a lot of the day. (If you’re lucky!) But when they are awake, they’re really awake. Most parents describe it as having an ‘Off’ switch and an ‘On’ switch, with no grades in between. Rather than fight nature, take advantage of it. Buy an activity gym.

Activity gyms offer the chance to work off that energy in a dozen ways. They provide several different ’stations’ to exercise eye-hand coordination, build arm and leg strength, and – most importantly – exercise that developing mind.

Strength and coordination aren’t just for teen or adult jocks. Babies are developing fast. Their bones are hardening and their young muscles are growing to help them grip, stand and swivel. All those basic movements and many more are essential to good physical health. Even apart from muscular development, that activity helps keep all their organ systems in good shape, just as it does for adults.

At the same time, a good activity gym is a great learning toy. With knobs to twist, mobiles to move, wheels to turn and other features the baby is learning to distinguish and manipulate. That helps the mind recognize differences between, say, a push-pull and a rotation. They’re also learning different shapes and colors. All those are clues to how things behave in the world they are so eagerly exploring.

Picture, for example, a 5-in-1 adjustable gym.

Stage 1 has colorful toys to bat and a motion activated kick pad. Great for eye-hand coordination and observing how things move when they’re manipulated. Stage 2 offers electronic lights and sounds operated by push buttons. That’s an outstanding way to develop sight and hearing, and to grow the mind when it associates movement with them. Stage 3 has a stand up bar that is ideal for those just learning to stand. Safe and practical.

But it’s Stage 4 and Stage 5 that offer something really unique. Here, the baby will find a play table that provides art projects, games and an easel. All are really safe and help the baby develop that latent artistic ability. Even for future athletes that’s incredibly important. Recognizing colors, manipulating shapes and more is tremendously helpful for developing the senses.

A Kicks and Drive gym can be of great help and great fun for your baby in other ways. With a steering wheel to turn, they learn how to make a basic movement that will benefit them right away and forever. Hanging mobiles entertain while they provide shapes to distinguish. Rollers offer still another type of movement that brings a smile as it helps that young mind grow.

Even something as relatively simple as an Animal Friends Musical Gym can be a big value to a little baby (and parent!). With a safe, comfortable pad decorated with cartoon animals, the baby feels good while they experience and explore. Dangling stuffed multi-colored animals amuse the little one while they offer a chance to make them move.

The values of activity gyms for growing babies are many and more important than you might have suspected. Entertainment and learning and exercise all work in coordination to aid your baby’s growth in every dimension.

Have you heard terms like Facebook, MySpace, YouTube and Twitter? If you haven’t, I guarantee your kids have. These are just a few of the social networking sites where kids can meet other peers and create their own page to highlight who they are. Before letting your kids interact on these or any other teen sites, fill them in on a few precautions in order to help them stay safe.

No one wants to rob their child of the joy of being a child. But, the world is a dangerous place. Even though your children are not yet adults, they need to be aware of what is going on around them. Child predators are counting on their innocence as a way to trap them. You don’t have to scare your kids, but keep them informed as a safety measure.

1. Don’t give out any personal information to anyone. It’s exciting to meet new people online, but it could be that your child’s new “friend” is a sexual predator. They will coax information out of your child over time. With a name and address or even a name and a high school, a predator can locate and stalk a child.
2. Don’t agree to meet with any online friends without parents present. Luring is the term used for online predators who use social sites to meet and talk kids into leaving their homes. It is harder to catch them if a child one day walks out to meet them instead of the predator showing up on your doorstep. When a friend wants to meet with your child, use your best judgment and always go along should you decide to let them meet someone they’ve met online.
3. Avoid sexual conversations. A sexual predator won’t come right out and ask your child sexually explicit questions. They start by gaining their trust and then easing into such conversations. The rule of thumb should be not to discuss sex at all or what your child looks like.
4. Always be honest. Pretending to be someone they are not can get your child into trouble. Acting older will attract the wrong type of person and situations. Talking bad about someone could backfire on them as well. Teach your children to remain respectful and honest at all times.
5. Never give out passwords. A friend could use your password and log in pretending to be you in a chat room. It might seem like a harmless prank but could lead to major problems for your child. Someone who is mad at your child could use their profile and say or do bad things.

You want to protect your child’s right to be a child. To that end, teach them to be safe in online situations so they don’t become a victim.

Sometimes being a parent is like being in middle management. You have not only a whole host of issues to deal with in relation to the kids, but grandparents can introduce another set. Grandparents in the parenting mix present all the issues of influence from others, but with the obvious added wrinkle that they have a special relationship to both the parents and the children.

So, how does a parent maximize all the good things grandparents bring, while minimizing some of the potential difficulties?

Grandparents can offer enormous value by sharing the wisdom of long experience. After all, they have raised children before and most parents will want to believe they did a good job. For such advice to be valuable, however, it has to be delivered at the right time and in the right way.

Grandparents who need some reminding can be diplomatically asked to hold off on offering wisdom until the parent is in a more receptive frame of mind. Unprompted comments during child disciplining almost invariably sound like a rebuke. It will usually, understandably, be met with a defensive reaction.

For the parents’ part, their long-term self-interest will be served by exercising some objectivity. After the strong emotions fade, give some thought to whether the grandparents advice has merit. It usually does. Place a lower emphasis on how or when it was delivered.

Grandparents want what’s best for the grandchildren and their own, naturally. That hope can be realized by their exercising some objectivity, as well. Realizing that the parents bear the primary responsibility for establishing rules and inculcating values for their children will help avoid conflicts.

Parents can help by picking their battles. Grandparents are individuals and will have different views on many subjects. As they express those views in action, their choices can collide with what the parent wants.

But not every minor disagreement is grounds for a major battle, or any at all. Rules about bedtime and diet should be respected, since these have a real effect on health. But there are many areas where the grandparents, rightly, want to enjoy giving the children a little more — materially and in freedom — than the parents might feel comfortable with.

A healthy compromise can be reached when all parties exercise a little creativity. A $500 chemistry set as a birthday gift might worry some parents. Substituting trips to the aquarium and zoo might be one way to ’split the difference’.

Conflict negotiators often suggest that parties at loggerheads seek common ground. Fortunately, when it comes to raising children, both parents and grandparents have much fertile earth to share. Both almost always have the interests of the child first and foremost in mind.

Settling disputes is easier when both parties seek to ‘make their case’ by patient reasoning based on a foundation of fact. Combining that attitude of objectivity with respect for individual values is a winning package.

After birth, the newborn’s umbilical cord may change color. It can alter from green to brown to black. Not to worry! This is all part of the natural process as the cord dries out in preparation for falling off. This typically takes about 1-2 weeks.

During those days the only care needed is to keep the area clean and avoid bumping the cord.

The section around the navel is comprised of sensitive skin. Just press on your own navel even as an adult and you’ll see. It takes only modest pressure to feel discomfort. Babies are, naturally, a little more tender. No need to be paranoid, just cautious.

Keeping the cord area clean will help prevent infection. The skin is the body’s first line of defense against disease. It provides a physical barrier against bacteria, viruses, fungi and other organisms that are seen as ‘foreign invaders’ that provoke the immune system into a response.

But a baby’s immune system is still under considerable development for the first year. It doesn’t yet have all the normal complement of antibodies to counteract common germs. So, keeping the area flexible and free of dirt will help prevent those germs from getting inside.

It’s rarely necessary to swab the area with alcohol. In fact, a contemporary study suggests that this is mildly counterproductive. While not actively harmful, the cord will likely drop off a couple of days sooner if left alone.

But, babies are babies and the area can attract dirt, food and a host of other things. Again, not to worry! A little gentle wipe with a soft, wet cloth will do the trick. Sterile water is often all that’s required.

When a little more thorough cleansing power is needed, mild and well-diluted antibacterial soap with a soft cotton cloth can do a perfect job. Avoid ordinary washcloths if they become stiff and a little harsh after they’re no longer brand new.

If moisture gets trapped where it won’t dry out within a few minutes, the lowest setting of the hair dryer can help. Make sure the air doesn’t get hot though. A baby’s skin is very sensitive.

Avoid covering the stump with the diaper. Also, keep it folded down far enough so that the top ridge doesn’t push or bend the cord as the baby is moved around or picked up. Be sure to change soiled diapers right away to keep the area dry and free from possible infectious agents.

A sponge bath is best during this period. In theory it’s possible to use a tub filled below the navel. But babies will get tilted, slip and other movements will likely occur that splash the area with soapy water. A little drip from a sponge bath isn’t a disaster, but keeping water to a minimum is best.

Never succumb to the temptation to give the stump any assistance in falling off. It will do so naturally at the right time all on its own. Tugging can tear the skin and produce pain and possible infection.

What’s old is new again. For thousands of years, mothers have carried their babies in slings on the back or near the heart. Though out of fashion in many Western countries for a while, they’ve come back into style with a vengeance. But this ancient idea has been adapted to modern times where it’s sometimes known as ‘babywearing’, with greatly enhanced benefits.

Slings are made of cloth or fabric, often nylon or some kind of blend. They’re flexible, comfortable for parent and baby, and provide a secure carrying method. They also provide a way of transferring body heat to keep the baby warm while offering physical closeness that is a value to both parent and child.

The styles available cover an astounding range.

Some are wraps that are modeled after ancient Asian methods. They coil around the parent’s back and waist, then wrap around to form a sling in which the baby can lie or sit securely. Others resemble a backpack with some of the pieces removed. The straps flow over the shoulders and a thick belt wraps around the waist.

Either model allows a baby to be carried in front or back, and both positions have their advantages. In front, the baby is close to the heart where it can see or touch the parent’s face. That creates a valuable bond that comforts the baby and will please any parent. Worn in back, the weight is distributed along different muscle groups, making it easier for a parent to carry the child for longer periods.

In either case, babies can be faced toward the parent or away, both of which also have their benefits. Facing the parent, the child is close and can see and feel they are protected. Facing outward, they can more readily explore the world, which develops perception and mental faculties, and also helps keep the baby occupied and satisfied.

Backpack-style carriers offer many of the same benefits, with variations. A backpack style is a little sturdier and offers additional places to attach harnesses and pockets. It provides a little stiffer frame so that babies can sit up more easily.

Backpack styles make it easier to shift the weight upward to the shoulders, where the baby can be ‘worn’ for long periods or distances. That’s especially helpful when taking nature walks or for long outings at the mall.

All the different styles come in every possible color and design. Some offer forest scenes, others may be covered with drawings of cars. Still others may sport only an abstract color scheme. In short, every possible variation is available to suit every individual taste or interest.

Traditional hard shell carriers, often a converted car seat or stroller bed, still perform a valuable role. But slings or backpacks offer advantages that those designs can not. Every parent will want to have at least one of each type.